Ok, I tend to be a touch busy.

Any surprised to hear that? Nobody??

Right- so I generally need help to slow down, and I am never disappointed when I do.

In August, I had a last minute opportunity to join my visiting friend at the art retreat she was attending- it was so calming!

This retreat used art to walk through healing.

This came at a time just a few weeks after we lost Manuelito, and I was recovering from COVID yet again and Dengue. Sooooo…. healing was and remains so necessary.

And, ok, and it took 6 weeks to find time to write about it…

I’m working on that!

For the present I wanted to share the words I wrote then for the remainder of this post.

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August 25, 2024

So the first thing I would say is I’m not a very art-sy person…

Though, I have to wonder how much of that is that I actually dislike art, that I think I am no good at it, or simply that I never slow down enough to spend time on a project.

I’m realizing it is the latter.

In this camp, you are only given a few pieces of instruction at a time as you work on your project.

For some of us, that’s infuriating!!

I like to know the plan. I want to know the “right” way to do something and have a hard time relinquishing control to follow someone else’s lead- especially if I don’t know the steps ahead of time.

One thing that was shared again and again however was “enjoy the process”— an infuriating phrase for detail oriented control freaks like myself!!

But here is what was on my mind when I was finally thinking on one moment instead of three steps ahead.

“Enjoy the process” — even when, especially when it does not seem to be working out how I thought it should. There is a joy to be felt in the process.

So many losses over the last year- Paola, Kevin, Walter, and Manuelito- each name brings a flood of emotion.

Add to that the weight of such frequent illnesses, I’m so often exhausted emotionally and physically, and depression is something to be watched for carefully.

See, it’s easy to look back at “the good old days” meaning “not today”- days when those friendships were strong, and God spoke in such and such a way.

I often forget the painful moments that filled that time as well.

Cancer. Loss. Fights. When those friendships were tested.

There were hard lessons there, and in THAT moment, that struggle to find joy while not being overwhelmed.

The difference is that now I can see the “why”.

Now I can see what the lesson was, and the fruit it produced.

It’s why the good old days are seen as good.

God is doing a work now too.

THIS is the process.

And there is joy to be found here too wether in the hospital or in the laundry folding.

God shares blessings even here.

I’ve seen so much pain and loss in this last year and it’s hard to find joy here.

But I want to find it here.

Now.

Not just 30 years from now when I look at this time as “the good old days”.

I want to enjoy the process, not just regret the painful parts.

Right now, in this moment, I want to taste the blessings that one day, years from now, I’ll associate with this season.

(Even as I record those words from 6 seeks ago I can see them clearer from my next season!).

I see the family I have today- two families!!

Parents who are both living, and only a phone call away.

I see the kids I get to love.

Hugs and laughter are just a 4 minute walk from my front door!

The friends I have who desperately seek the Lord, and help me to.

I want to see these things now, and not just once they are gone.

So for now it is my endeavor to enjoy the process.

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And Now in this next season, just 6 weeks later I see so much stillness and rest in this place now.

As it turns out, posting a few weeks late gave me the opportunity to reread these words– to relearn this truth, and once again seek to Enjoy the Process.